asking, seeking, knocking

Well, yet again, it's been far too long since I last wrote. And again, it is because I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling or what emotions would come up. I have now been home from South Africa for over a month and so much has happened since I have been home! I have been reunited with people whom I love so dearly, I have danced in Disney world with some of the best girls and dancers I know, I have laid in the Florida sunshine, I have obtained a job (or 2) as a Nanny, I have spent time with my family, I have spent time with the man I love, I have seen devastation sweep across the south, I have cried, I have laughed, I have hurt, I have questioned, I have had to make hard decisions, I have made easy decisions, but I always find myself in the same spot even after all of this and that is Asking, seeking, and knocking. In Matthew 7: 7-9, it says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." I find myself doing this almost daily, but truly not following through with it. I'm asking, I'm seeking, I'm knocking, but I'm sure as heck not listening to what He is saying. Something that keeps coming up in my heart and my head is the scripture about the roads and gates...Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." It hit me that maybe I'm trying too hard, or trying to go the way through the wide gate because I'm just searching for something but really, I need to be going through the small gate and the narrow road. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe He is trying to reveal to me that what He has in store for me is not what I expect and is down a road that I may not even be looking down at the moment. If I'm honest, I'm still scared of what is to come for me, but I know, with all of my heart, that His provision is unfailing. Who said this would be easy?

I started thinking about my new, adult life that I have to start living up to. Not only am I a college graduate, I am an adult that has to REALLY start paying bills--who knew that there were so many expenses once you were a REAL grown up. I thought I had a lot before, ohhh lawd, those were nothing! :) Besides all of that, I know that God is teaching me daily...I know that He is showing me things about life and where I'm going and what my next "path" is, but I just need to open up my eyes, open my ears, trust, and take that step of faith.

It's not just about asking, seeking, and knocking, but about listening.

Ears are open...let's do this!