1942...

Well, it's been a while blog world...but here I am, ready to pour it out!

I sit here on the eve of Christmas eve and just have a ton of different things going on in my head. I think back a year ago to what I was preparing for...I was getting ready to leave for South Africa and the emotions that were going through me were some that I miss. So much has happened in the past year. I can honestly say my life has been changed in many different ways by many different things. I also can't believe that in just several short months (5.5ish to be exact) I will be marrying the man of my dreams. I love reminiscing about my time in SA and have been doing so lately, and yes, it usually makes me cry. My heart misses SA and the people who I have the honor to have in my life.

As I sat around today with my Dad's side of the family, doing the Christmas thing, tears were brought to my eyes as I sat and watching my Oma (grandmother) struggle trying to remember where she was, who we are, and what year it was. When asked what year it was, she responded quickly, "1942." She is living in a time of her life where she had no worries..she go to travel this world with the love of her life...and as she comes to the end of this life here on earth, she is going on great adventures with her love....how can I be sad about that? I can only pray that when I grow old with Ben...and I'm asked what year it is, I will boldly say "2012!" because this is when I get to start my great adventure with my love.

I realize this is a lot of rambling...but it needed to happen.

A year later...an amazing year... a life changing year.

Excited to see what 2012 brings!

Merry Christmas, friends!

Waiting

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD."

Over the last few months I have held on to this scripture. To hold on and wait for what the Lord has in store for me. Whatever that may be. I guess you can say that I have been struggling with patience over the last several months. Wanting answers to questions NOW and wanting them to be my answers. I wanted to know what was next for me. I was reminded often....very often by many people to just be patient. honestly, I was so tired of hearing the word patience. But I knew in my heart that God had a plan for me and that He would reveal it on His time, not mine.

If you would have asked me a year ago what I would be doing 8 months after I finished my college degree, I probably would have given you the answer you wanted to hear. Let's just say, I'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, and I am absolutely, perfectly ok with that. In the last 8 months i have had the opportunity to serve in South Africa, to find what Shawna really is, to grown in my relationship with Christ, and now, gladly able to say I'm officially a fiancée. I in no way can complain about my life. I am blessed.

Now....let me tell you a little story. Thursday, July 28, 2011 changed my life.
This particular day started out as an ordinary day in Shreveport, LA, where Ben has been working all summer. He was at work on this day, so I had plenty of time to do whatever I wanted....so of course, I laid by the pool, read a book, watched tv, took a nap, and did laundry. typical. Later that evening my sweet Ben invited me on a coffee date followed by a nice, fancy dinner. If you know me, you know I like coffee, food, and wearing a pretty dress--so I jumped at this offer. As we arrived at starbucks, we ordered our drinks and sat in what I called the "lovers" corner back in the back...Ben then proceeded to grab our drinks from the bar and walk over to the table and we began to chat. (Now,keep in mind, I have been very patient with Mr. Benjamin and his timing of things cough engagement cough so he always likes to tease me with it) He sits down and asks me if I would marry him if all he could afford was an "engagement" iced coffee instead of a ring. I of course said no! He then said what about to iced coffee's and a ring later? I was beginning to get aggravated because I knew he was just messing with me...I said Maybe....the he began to move his cup over towards me and said, What about 2 iced coffee's and a little extra something...as he removed his hand from the top of his cup where a beautiful ring was placed on the straw. My first reaction I said hastily, SHUT UP!!! at this point, I thought he was joking and playing a cruel joke on me...this was not the case. He then got down on one knee, in Starbucks, and asked me if i would spend the rest of my life with him. of course....i said YES!!!! and the tears started....We spent the majority of the night calling and texting people to share our news and spending time together already discussing wedding ideas. I feel like since that night, I haven't stopped smiling.

I say all of this to say....waiting, it sure did suck, but man am I so glad I did....I am honestly the luckiest girl in this world and could not have asked for a better future husband. Everything in life has led up to this point and I am just in awe. God is so good. I could not ask for better friends, for a better family, for a better group of "in-laws", for a better God, and for a better life. Although I know how blessed I am, this past week I was reminded at how God really does work in His timing.

Patience and waiting....two very important things in this life....
"Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD."

So very thankful. for everything. and all of you.

blessings,
Future Mrs. A :)

asking, seeking, knocking

Well, yet again, it's been far too long since I last wrote. And again, it is because I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling or what emotions would come up. I have now been home from South Africa for over a month and so much has happened since I have been home! I have been reunited with people whom I love so dearly, I have danced in Disney world with some of the best girls and dancers I know, I have laid in the Florida sunshine, I have obtained a job (or 2) as a Nanny, I have spent time with my family, I have spent time with the man I love, I have seen devastation sweep across the south, I have cried, I have laughed, I have hurt, I have questioned, I have had to make hard decisions, I have made easy decisions, but I always find myself in the same spot even after all of this and that is Asking, seeking, and knocking. In Matthew 7: 7-9, it says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." I find myself doing this almost daily, but truly not following through with it. I'm asking, I'm seeking, I'm knocking, but I'm sure as heck not listening to what He is saying. Something that keeps coming up in my heart and my head is the scripture about the roads and gates...Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." It hit me that maybe I'm trying too hard, or trying to go the way through the wide gate because I'm just searching for something but really, I need to be going through the small gate and the narrow road. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. Maybe He is trying to reveal to me that what He has in store for me is not what I expect and is down a road that I may not even be looking down at the moment. If I'm honest, I'm still scared of what is to come for me, but I know, with all of my heart, that His provision is unfailing. Who said this would be easy?

I started thinking about my new, adult life that I have to start living up to. Not only am I a college graduate, I am an adult that has to REALLY start paying bills--who knew that there were so many expenses once you were a REAL grown up. I thought I had a lot before, ohhh lawd, those were nothing! :) Besides all of that, I know that God is teaching me daily...I know that He is showing me things about life and where I'm going and what my next "path" is, but I just need to open up my eyes, open my ears, trust, and take that step of faith.

It's not just about asking, seeking, and knocking, but about listening.

Ears are open...let's do this!

Time...

This will be my honesty blog. I have honestly been putting off writing because I have been extremely scared and intimidated. It is very strange fore me to be scared about something, but I think that I am just scared of the emotions. I'm scared that I will be vulnerable. I'm scared that I will say or do the wrong thing. But I have realized that maybe it's ok for all of these things to happen. So here I go, embracing the inevitable.

I have been home for 9 days now and honestly it feels like it has been months already. This past week has been amazing to be with my loves again and to reunite and reconnect and try to back into life here in America, but it has also been one of the hardest weeks. If I am completely honest with myself and you all, I will have to admit that I am struggling. I feel very strange--it's almost hard to explain in words how I feel. I wish that I could let all of you in my head and heart to see what is really going on, but I will try my best to give you the best visual I can. I have come home to a place that is, with out a doubt, my home--but for some reason, I'm feeling like my home is 8,000 miles away. although my heart rejoices when I get to see people who I have missed so much and I even cry when I am reunited with some of my best friends in the world and the best family in the world, most mornings and evenings I end up spending time crying and thinking and really, not letting myself process what needs to be processed. It's almost like I am pushing it down so I don't have to think about it. Covering up my emotions so people don't think that I am weak--and if you know me, you know that this is sooooo not me! I am consistently trying to find where i "fit in" now here at home. I have realized that in my absence, life has continued forward. Life moves one even when I am not around--who would have thought?! :) I'm almost having to relearn how to do things here. Where I fit in at church, where I fit in my family, bottom line, where I fit in this world. I learned how to live with 11 other people around me 24/7...never a quiet moment, never a dull moment...laughter, crying, arguing...and now I'm alone. It's most of the time quiet...and I'm having to relearn how to live in the quiet and not with someone waiting on me outside the bathroom for me to finish (with a 5 minute shower limit!). My "norm" is no longer my "norm".

Time is my best friend at the moment. I keep telling myself time...but am I even giving myself the needed time to process? Ok, I will admit it...no, i'm not. I cover up my emotions by keeping myself busy and not letting myself FEEL what I need to feel. I haven't blogged or wrote in my journal or even read my Bible since I have been home because I knew what would happen. And I was scared, I am scared. But it's time...

You know, time has been a huge factor in this whole journey. It took time to get to Africa. it took time to adjust to africa. It took time for Africa to become my home. It took time to learn what God was teaching me. It took time to leave Africa. It is taking time for me to adjust to home. Time. During this time I have learned more than I think I have learned in my 23 years of existence, and I know I will continue learning more. I have learned the importance of family. The importance of friends. The importance of loving. The importance of transformation. The importance of finding the person who loves me for me and thinks the world of me and figuring out that I can't imagine my life without him. The importance of life. and the biggest, the Importance of God and His grace, faithfulness and provision in my life. I have learned that it is perfectly fine to not know what is next--so from now one, I will proudly say to the dreaded question "So, what is next for you?" I can reply "I don't know!" and be fine with it! My God is so faithful and I know that He is going to provide. He never said things would be easy...I may even have to struggle a little bit...but again, this is part of the process. Part of the time....

If you have made it this far reading this post--thank you! Thank you for letting me share my heart and be honest with you. It's not the easiest thing to do and I hope that you are able to follow and understand where I am coming from. Thank you for being patient with me and giving me the time and space to do what I need to do.

Here I go...embracing it. Some days will be harder and uglier than others..but I'm ready and I need it.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come and the old has gone, the new is here!"

Processing....

So I have officially said my goodbyes, spent 8 hours in the Jo’burg airport, flew for 17 hours, and have made it back to the United States at 7am. I am waiting on my connecting flight to Pensacola where I know so many await me and you have no idea how excited I am! I had even intention of writing in the Jo’burg airport, but just couldn’t yet….but on my LONG flight, I had plenty of time to think. This is just the beginning of many processing blogs, so be prepared.

Friday morning, I said goodbye to people who had become my family….a place that had become my home….and a peple and places that have completely stolen my heart. I guess I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to say goodbye. Of course I cried in the airport, but spent most of the 2 hour flight to Jo’burg crying…thinking…praying…laughing…missing…and loving. Because I wasn’t sure how to react or how to feel quite yet, I just got out my ipod and started listening to some good Hillsong. After a little bit of worship time, I flipped it over to one of my favorites, Brooke Fraser. The song of hers that is one of my favorites is Albertine. (If you haven’t heart it, look it up!) This song is about a person, but it applied so much to what I was feeling in my heart at that very moment, and still now. Some of the lyrics are as follows:

….Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I can not let go….
And I am on a plane, across a distant sea, but I carry you in me, like the dust on my feet…
Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I can not let go.
I will tell the world, I will tell them where I’ve been! I will keep my word, I will tell them Albertine.

Of course after hearing this, I began to cry some more. But it hit me, I have gone, I have gone to where I was called and I have seen and now I am responsible for that. I didn’t go just to say I went to Africa, I went to learn, grow, serve, and love. Although I may be 8000 miles away, I still carry Africa and my international family and the people I served in my heart back home.

This is not a goodbye to Africa. This is just the beginning. It’s time to tell the world where I’ve been and what I have seen. Because faith with out deeds is dead.

So here we go, America! Hope you are ready!

the road...

Here I am, at the end of this road. I sit here in awe of what the past 3.5 months has done to me and my heart. I am changed. This experience here in South Africa is one that will never be forgotten. I am so excited to go home and see my loved ones, yet I am so sad to be leaving this place that has become my home in such a quick time. It is such a bitter-sweet feeling. I'm leaving a piece of my heart here with South Africa as well as all of the people who I have had the honor to work along side and grow, learn, and love with.

I still need to process a lot before I can really write a full post here....so maybe on my 19 hour plane ride home, I can write. So expect something in a few days.

I am not sure if I can say it enough, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the love and support that you have all poured out on me. I wouldn't be here and wouldn't have made it if it were not for you all.

And to the YFC team and staff and to South Africa...my love for you is enormous. I will never be the same because of you. Thank you! Take care of those little pieces of my heart for me....I WILL see you soon :)

So...here we go. Last afternoon in Capetown, SA. Last blog post from my little area in the office. But this is not the end....

See you all on American soil!

so much love to give,
Shawna

10

Family…. I would define family in many different ways. I have an amazing family back home in Florida. Not only a family of relatives, but a family of amazing friends. I can say that I have the best, biggest, most loving, most supportive family ever. It constantly blows me away at how much I am loved and how much each of you believe in me and support me. I know I say it a lot, but I truly wouldn’t have made it through this journey with out you. I am where I am today because of you and I am who I am today because of you. In 8 days, I get on a plane to come home to my family. I cannot express to you in words how excited I am to see each one of you, to give you all some Shawna hugs, and to tell you about my journey here in South Africa. It makes me all giddy inside!

But knowing that I have to leave this family here in South Africa is really starting to weigh on my heart. I never would have expected to come into this and get another family out of it. I have had the honor to walk alongside these 11 people in my house for these 3 months and I can honestly say, I am forever changed by them. I think that God wanted me to realize something about friendship, about relationships, and about family. All of us in this house all come from different countries, different backgrounds, we are different colors, but one thing that is the same is the love we all have. As I sat in my room the other night with my roommate Blue, literally laughing until we couldn’t breathe and there were tears running down our faces, I realized that I cannot take ANY relationship for granted. Life is too short to let the little things in life take priority over the relationships in my life….over my family.

It hit me that I am going to have to leave this family just like I left my family three months ago to come here. The same emotions are running through me as they were in December before I came here. I had to say goodbye to my Dani on Monday. The first of many goodbyes. And we all know me, of course I was quite weepy. Not only did we start this journey together, we learned together, grew together, conquered together, laughed together, cried together, and loved together. LIFE.IS.CHANGED.

Dani, Kadder, Isa, Blue, Erna, Kelsey, Catriona, Sarah, Vovo, and Trevor. You will carry a piece of my heart to all corners of the world. Thank you for your love. It has changed me. I now have a new, international family ☺

To my family back home. You are all amazing. My love for you is indescribable. Thank you for your love and for walking with me through this journey.

And then there were 10….for 8 more days!

Much love!

Writers Block

I have been sitting in front of my computer for a couple of hours now just trying to get my words together. Trying to get my brain to slow down enough to get my thoughts together to write something, and after a lot of thinking and distracting myself, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one thing that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind:

Two weeks. Two weeks is all the time I have left here in South Africa. On this journey.

So many emotions.
So many questions.
A new woman.
A changed life.
A changed heart.
New eyes to see this life with.
Transformed. Renewed.

This journey has been one that will never be forgotten. So many stories, so much to say, so many laughs, so many tears….when I can get my mind to settle down and let me write, you will get more! For now, this is all I got!

Be blessed.

Options....

We have so many different options in life. What do we want to wear each day. What do we want to eat. Where to we want to live. Where do we want to go to college. What job do we want to take. In my case, what color hair do I want for a few months. We are faced with “options” every day. My outlook on options changed drastically this past Thursday when I was able and honored to be able to participate with the Options ministry here in South Africa. Options is an amazing ministry that goes into the hospitals here in Cape Town and goes to the hospital wing where no one else really wants to or really wants to talk about. The abortion wing of the hospital. Now, don’t get me wrong, Options is not Pro-abortion by any means…let me explain what this ministry is all about. Options is part of YFC here in Cape Town and is a Christian organization, obviously. Options goes in and does counseling with women who have come in to have an abortion and try their best to talk them OUT of the abortion and give the women different OPTIONS on what to do with their pregnancy. A lot of the women that come through this place don’t even realize there are other options for them and they think that the easiest way to deal with their pregnancy is abortion. Most girls/women who come in are in their first trimester but there are a large number that come in that are in their second trimester. Good thing, this hospital does not perform an abortion if the woman is a day over 20 weeks (not that any abortion is the best, but at least there are boundaries.) So a typical day for options would be to come in, all of the counselors have a prayer together, and then the girls start showing up. The girls are herded (like cows) into a room where they are given information and then herded to another room where they wait—wait for the counselors. One by one the women go into a room where they are given a counseling session by one of our counselors—there are 3 certified women who do the counseling, and I was sitting in for this day. Depending on the circumstance, they are asked how old they are, if they are married, if they have a job, and the final question…do you know how pregnant you are. Many of the girls that I was in on were women who were over the 20 week mark and we told that they couldn’t get an abortion, even if they wanted to. The reaction was always the same…tears came, fear came over their face, silence filled the room. But what a beautiful thing when they were told there were other options for them—adoption or to keep the baby and it was amazing—every girl decided to keep their baby all because they were a day too late. ONE DAY!!! Tell me that’s not a God thing. The other group of girls are the first trimester girls who are below 19 weeks in their pregnancy. These girls come in with it already in their head that they will be getting an abortion. I only sat in on one of these counseling sessions, and it’s intense. These girls have their mind made up—but through talking with them, many of them end up changing their mind. Although not all of them have a change of heart and mind, it’s a beautiful thing to see at least 1 or 2 change their mind. Now….let me be completely honest with all of you….coming here, I never would have thought I would be working with women, especially in this way. My thing is youth ministry—or teaching high school, that’s where I’m comfortable. Oh man, I have been completely SHOVED out of my comfort zone and my heart is so broken for these women. I know that God has been working on my heart since I have been here, and I wasn’t exactly sure what He had planned, but as soon as I stepped in that hospital yesterday, I knew that I needed to be there. After seeing all of those women and after hearing their stories and being able to pray with them, my heart and life are forever changed. Now I’m not saying that I’m done with youth by any means—that’s my heart! But God has something for me with working with women…and I don’t think He is done yet! The next 4 weeks I give to Him and know that He is going to show me things that I least expect and that will continue to change my heart. He is up to something…I know with all my heart that He is going to continue to stretch me and push me into things I least expect! Man, what a cool feeling!

Not only do we need prayer for Kylemore High school still, please pray for the women who come through Karl Bremmer Hospital every week. Pray that they would all be just that 1 day too late to go through with their decision.
Pray for myself for strength, guidance, wisdom, peace, joy, humbleness and understanding. Pray for my health—nothing major, but been having some crazy tummy issues. Pray for our house, the volunteers, YFC Cape Town.

Right now as I write this, I have 34 days left here in South Africa. Pray that I would live IN this time and not THROUGH this time. He isn’t done with me….

Can’t wait to see all of your smiling faces and expect so many hugs!! So thankful for all of you! I’m not sure if thank you is enough to express my thanks. I.am.blessed!
So much love,
Shawna

Take Heart...

“If only I was pretty…”
“I wish my dad was here to see me succeed…”
“I believe in God…”
“If only there was a cure for my brothers disease…”
“If only people liked me more…”
“If only I was beautiful, more people would like me…”
“I wish I would die…”

A few of the statements made by some of my high school students. This was a lesson that I prepared with the title of Who are You? The idea was to really get the students to look deeper within themselves and find out who they are as an individual. We asked them to describe themselves with one word, then finish the sentence “If only…” “I believe…” “I wish…” “From now on…” and these were some of the answers we got. Blew me away and brought me to tears. This wasn’t what I expected to hear. I Realize that the crap that we create for our lives is what these kids live in…not by choice.
I am humbled. Just purely humbled.
Pray for the students of Kylemore High school….they are broken.

“God our refuge, God our strength…God is with us, He has overcome!”
TAKE HEART!

There's always gonna be another mountain...

Yes, I just quoted Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montanna) but it is so fitting for this! Today, February 12, 2011, I, Shawna Shealy conquered a huge thing. I climbed a mountain today—and not just any mountain, Table Mountain in South Africa. (it's the LARGE mountain in the middle of the picture, with the flat top). I knew that doing this would be a challenge to me, but I knew that I had to do it, I knew that if I didn’t I would regret it and I knew that if I accomplished this, I would be changed and I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. So after a lot of thinking and a lot of trying to talk myself out of it, myself and Dani woke up at 4:30 am to make our way to the giant of the day. I must say that on the way to the mountain, I was quite nervous. If you know me, you know that I have never really been “hiking” let alone hiked a mountain. Dani kept telling me “Shawna, you can do this! We got this…” if it was not for encouragement, I don’t think I would have done it! We get to the bottom of the mountain a little before 6am, while the sun has yet to even rise. We make our way to the start of the trail that we are going to hike and say a quick prayer and myself, Dani, Denzel (and some other new friends we made) started up this mountain. As we begin, I quickly realize that this is going to be a lot more challenging than I could have every imagined. After only a few minutes, I was struggling to breathe, my legs were burning, and I was already sweaty—and the sun wasn’t even out yet! As we continued to climb, we got about half way up and I was asking myself, “why did I do this?” “What was I thinking?” “Can I REALLY finish this?” There were a few times I almost gave up on this journey…I came so close to saying I was turning around and going back to the ground—where I belong. But there was a part of me that said NO! You CAN do this! You WILL do this! Myself and Dani both became each others personal coach. When I was down, she would say, let’s go we got this. When she was down, I would say, we are so close—we are strong—we got this! Of course, we ended up falling behind the group and taking our time so we wouldn’t pass out. We reached the half way point and knew that the finish line was not too far away…we had about another hour left at this point. The only way I was going to finish this hike was with the strength of God. We stopped a few times and just sat in silence and looked at the progress we had made and looked at the beautiful view that was all around us. This is what gave me hope and I knew that I could do this! We continued to hike up this mountain and we turn the corner to what seemed like the stairway to heaven. We climbed these so called “stairs” and ended up on the top of Table Mountain! We did it! We made it to the top! After so much struggling and thinking that I couldn’t do it, I did it! As we walked towards the look out areas, I was trying to prepare myself for what to expect when I could look out and see the scenery that was all around us. Let me just say, I was at a loss of words for a few minutes. It was absolutely beautiful. Words can’t describe it, pictures can’t capture it, nothing can express or explain what I was able to see—because I didn’t give up and I pushed through and made it! After getting water and some icee drinks to cool off, Dani and I sat and just looked, in awe, at what was around us! God’s work—all around us! After a while, it was time to take the trek back down the mountain. We were excited for this, but as we began this journey down, we realized it was going to be a struggle like the climb up—maybe even a little more challenging. This time, it was a bit mentally challenging. Just one wrong step, you could fall. Let’s just say, Shawna fell about 8 times—on her butt—and ripped the biggest hole in her shorts EVER (and still had to continue down the mountain with a large hole, giving a show to everyone!) Again, me and Dani had to encourage each other. I wanted to give up again.. a few times, just wanted to cry. But no, there was no time for crying…we had a goal to reach and we were going to reach it! By this point, the sun is blazing and it’s hot! I’m not sure if I have EVER sweated like I did today. Before we knew it, we were on the last little leg of our journey and we were almost to the bottom of the mountain. As we took the last step off the mountain and onto the pavement, I had only one word to describe the way that I felt. Proud. I did it. I set my mind to something and did it! Was it a struggle? More than you know! It was the most challenging thing I have ever done, both mentally and physically. After a little celebrating—we got in the car to come home and this was the time I began to think a lot. This mountain that I conquered today is a lot like life. We have things that we need to “conquer” or overcome and the only way we can do that is with the love, strength, power, and encouragement from God! Needless to say, climbing up and down this mountain today changed me, changed my heart, changed my mind….I learned a lot about myself today and can genuinely say, I am so proud! I will forever have this memory and I will forever be changed because of it! See, not only is God working through the projects I am working in or the people I am interacting with, but also he is working in ME through a mountain!
Besides all of this excitement—the projects are going so well and I’m learning so much through them as well! Be praying for strength and energy—we are all so tired after each day!

Love and miss you all!!

Psalm 27:1 The message
"Light, space, zest— that's God! So, with him on my side I'm fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.”

Your grace is enough...

So after the first full week of a very busy schedule, I find myself at peace...my heart is at peace. I have had so many cool God moments this week not only in the projects that I have been in, and in my house with the girls that i live with, but also in my very own heart. God is working in my in ways that I didn't think He would. My heart is completely broken for the people of SA and the people that I am working with. One of the projects that we do, New Life Center, is a place where women go during their pregnancy to have a safe, quiet, calm, Christ filled time. These women have also made the huge decision to go through with the pregnancy and give their child for adoption instead of choosing the abortion route. As soon as I walked into the New Life Center, I knew immediately, with out a doubt, I'm suppose to be there. I knew that if nothing else happens while I am here at YFC Cape Town, that I have accomplished what God has called me here to do. The feeling I felt is an indescribable one. My heart is with these women. At the moment, there are only 2 women here at the New Life Center, and both are due any time now (on of them, Janine, due Saturday!) We spent time with them, having girl talk, eating cookies, getting to know them, and then Dani and myself taught them how to make friendship bracelets. They loved it! Now, being pregnant, we all know pregnant women have weird cravings, so half way through the time, Janine asked Dani if she could make custard...I have never had that before--but of course Dani, being the servant that she is, got up and made us all custard. The women were so excited! After we finished our bracelets (and ate our custard) we all put on our friendship bracelets and then we shared with them a few verses Philippians 1: 3-6 (the message)

"Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."

I think i needed to hear that just as much as they did. Sometimes, I think I need to take what I say or share with other people and take it for myself and my heart. Anyway, after we shared, one of the women shared something so sweet and personal with us that I was moved to tears. She shared with us the profile of the parents she chose to adopt her baby. She was so excited and so happy and so willing to share with us a very special piece of her life. Because of one decision she made, this baby will have an amazing life--because she chose the road less travelled (mom, you know where i got that from ;)) I have had total confirmation of why I am here this week--It's amazing how God does that! I know, with all my heart, that when I leave this place, I will NEVER be the same.

I'm really focusing on listening and really hearing what He is saying to me. I feel it in my heart, I see it all around me. It's such an exciting time and scary time! I'm not sure what the "next step" is for me when I return, but I have a feeling that it will be something that I least expect and something that HE wants and not what I want.

Please be in prayer for clarity and guidance and that I will hear what I need to. He is moving and I can't wait to see what happens next! It's just a really cool feeling to know that you are right where you are suppose to be at the right time. Faith...wouldn't be here without it!

Miss you all so much!

so much love from Africa :)

Shawna

The four-week itch...

They say when you do long(er) term mission trips, that the first 4 weeks are the easiest. You are excited and happy and learning new things and meeting new people. Things are great. They say the second four weeks you loose the “honeymoon” feeling and get rather annoyed, angry, lonely, sad, and question why you are here. I have officially ended my first 4 weeks here in South Africa, and I can say that so far, the second four weeks have been identified correctly. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not unhappy, but I find myself getting annoyed at little things and roommates, crying a little more often than usual, and a little restless. I know with all of my heart that this is where I am suppose to be and I have already seen God move in my life and in the lives of the other volunteers and the people we have had the chance to work with, but, if I’m honest with myself, and you all, I must tell you that I am struggling a little bit. I know WHY I am here and know that God has called me here, but I struggle with the feeling of uncertainty, of things not being clear, of things not being the way I think things should be. Which leads right back to another entry I wrote a few weeks ago—that I must not forget—this trip is not about me at all and I can’t seem to get that through my head. I get so wrapped up in myself and the stupid little things that don’t go my way, or running out of starbucks coffee, or not having privacy…We are called to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds….man, I need to have a huge piece of humble pie and remember that!

Ok, so enough venting and complaining….so, we are officially done with training for the projects and are starting our individual projects this week that we will have for our duration here! I can’t tell you how excited I am! Here is what I will be doing: On Monday’s I will be working with Kangaroo moms. This is a project where women who have had premature babies are kept in the hospital (alone) and their babies are strapped to them until they are able to go home. These women have no one. All alone and no attention, so we will be going in and spending some good, quality girl time with them and sharing the love of Christ. Then, Monday afternoons, I get to be part of the SOS teen’s program. SOS is a village where kids/teens live because they are orphaned. Such a cool place and the kids just crave love an attention. So we go in and build relationships, hang out, and teach life skills and bible studies. Tuesdays I will be going to the New Life center. This is a so-called “safe house” for women who are pregnant, and have decided to give their baby for adoption instead of abortion. These women, yet again, are alone and some of their families don’t even know they are there. They stay here for the duration of the pregnancy and get to opportunity to choose their child’s adoptive parents. Our job is to, again, be there for them and remind them that no matter what God still loves them. Wednesdays we spend the day in Kylemore…this is a place in the mountains of SA and has a variety of projects there. My main focus will be working in the schools there—but there are other things such as a Creche (day care center) and then a soup kitchen. Thursdays (depending on the week) I will be working either at Belhar High School teaching life skills classes with some other volunteers or I will be working at a local hospital doing counseling for women who are pregnant (again, all alone) and deciding on if adoption is good for them. We pray with the women and just talk to them. They really don’t have anyone else to talk to about anything or to give them the proper guidance. Some of the stories that come from these women are horrible. Just a preview, a 17-year-old young girl was raped by 4 men…she is faced with a choice…one of adoption or one of abortion. Heavy stuff!! But to just know that I will be able to have a part in so many different people’s lives is so rewarding and gives me hope and peace in my times of struggling.

I realized today that I only have about 2 months left here in South Africa. In the long run, that is nothing! I’m running out of time and it’s time to get busy J

Keep the prayers coming, especially for strength, peace, guidance, courage, understanding, and knowledge. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your love and prayers and support! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Blessings from South Africa,

Shawna

It's been a week...

This past week has flown by and it's hard to believe I have already been in my new home for a week! Things have been great--just getting settled in at the house. My little house is so cute and the girls in the house are absolutely amazing. I have another American friend, Danielle. A Scotish friend, Katrina. Two german friends, Kadder and Isabelle. A girl from England, Sarah. And a South African named Blue. It's amazing how easy it was to make this new home a "home" for the next 3 months! Of course I have my good days and my bad days, but nonetheless, doing really well. This past week, we just spent a lot of time getting to know each other and seeing the town--we went to the beach a few times, drank a lot of tea and coffee, made dinner(yea, i made dinner!) and slept! This coming week is going to be a busy one! Today was cleaning day at the house--always a good day! :) Starting tomorrow, things get busy! We start "touring" the projects to see what they are all about and to see what we feel our heart wants to commit to for our duration. We also get to have a tour of South African museums and different cultural places so we can know and understand the culture better! I am so excited about getting started and I know that God has a plan. I have already seen Him work in so many ways in my life already--I can only imagine what He will do for the rest of the time I am here. I ask you all to pray for me in many different ways--health, strength, peace, understanding, finances, EVERYTHING! I know that I serve the God of provision, but sometimes, it gets a little scary! I am trusting in Him and know that He will provide! John 3:30 "He must become greater, and I must become less." This is my motto for the rest of my stay here--this is not about ME, but about HIM!

I can't express enough how much I miss you all--it's crazy! Know that I love you all and would not be here or the woman i am today if it were not for the love and support you give me so selflessly!

Truly love you all!

-shawna

well...

The time has come, and the time has passed...and I have said my final goodbyes. I'm not sure why I was fooled and thought that this set of goodbyes would be easier, but boy was I so wrong. A few days ago, I had to say goodbye to what was my support group here, my family here, people who helped me through the first 2 weeks with the loves i had to leave in the states. AS the time drew closer, it began to set in...this is it, this is real life! There is no turning back now, I'm all in...and only by the grace of God. AS i sat there and watched a group of people, who I love dearly, walk away, knowing I couldn't hug them, chat with them whenever I wanted to, or just be with them, my heart literally hurt. This was the third time i had to say goodbye to people i love and it was just as tough as the first two times. So, here I am, in the Jo'burg airport, sobbing...I'm sure everyone thought i was a crazy white woman (which is partly correct!) I remembered something..I would not even be here if it weren't for every single one of you who have loved, encouraged, inspired, and supported me in this. I will never be able to thank you enough! I'm so thankful for where I am and where God has lead me. I am the person I am today because of every single one of you! Now, as tough as these first couple of weeks may be, I'm ready! Only by the strength of Jesus will I make it, so pray for peace! As my amazing Ben said to be as we said our goodbye to each other (which was messsssy!! :)) "Shawna, you got crap to do here, go do it! You were made for this!" The words I needed to hear, so thank you my love! I was made for this...let's do it! Vrede.